I’ve been studying this trend of real-time marketing for almost five years. I’ve seen insurance companies and pet foods attempt to opportunistic hijacking tactics for the #RoyalBaby. I’ve seen chewing gum brands asking Luis Suarez to not ‘chew soccer players” after he bit (not chewed) an Italian.
Last night’s humiliation of Brazil made me feel a bit sick. So sick that I think it may be better for me to throw in the towel and join the dark side. So here you go — 3 Tips On How To Be A Brand Troll
Commit to your first thoughts.
Twist marketing catch-phrases to back you up. “Always be shipping” comes to mind. Done is better than good or even coherent.
Don’t spend any time getting to know your audience.
When it comes to doing things in real-time, you really must think of yourself first. Crafting messages that connect emotionally with fans will only take more time. At all costs, do not do something that your fans would expect from you. Be sure that you newsjack any event that is getting a lot of traction. This is not about being relevant to your audience. It’s about being quick. First one out the gate wins. Always.
Only think in tweets.
Don’t even think about doing something interactive and fun like the Suarez bottle opener and game. Or a simple 10 second film (screengrab above) where a cocktail glass is obliterated by a massive German pint.
Shoe-horn your product into the post.
If you’ve got some stock shots lying around, then use them. If you can photoshop your product into them in any way, shape or form, do it. It will help with brand recall and shift a load of goods. That’s what it’s about anyway. Social selling. Get that product in — hopefully in an unnatural way — and make sure you’re agency punslingers are at the ready. Also try to invent silly words like punslingers and then overexplain them (cross between gunslinger + pun) to further insult your audience.
Forget that you’re human.
This is the most important factor of all. It’s all about not forgetting your human not just a marketing machine. It’s about making stuff that creates an emotional connection with your audience. I Or maybe we should just give up.
There’s a new book coming out in August and I’ve written a chapter in it about this topic, but don’t bother reading it. I also do workshops on the matter but you really should ignore this second attempt at blatant self-promotion because it’s easier to just keep trolling. If you learn anything from me, you’ll only have to go sell it in to your CEO and then that may require some organisational changes. Now, this is getting a bit complicated. I thought you just wanted an easy life, right. Fine, may the quickest troll win.
Thanks to Digiday & Adnews for doing round-ups (including examples abov) in the middle of the night while I went to bed crying thinking that my real-time mission and career was a total failure before I woke up with an evil plan.
(This post originally posted yesterday on my new favourite platform Medium. It’s here.)